What’s it like to give a Tedx Talk?

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Former Miss Oriole and author Bonnie Lorber Habyan returns to Baltimore to tell her story of preparation for the TedX stage to ask the question: “Who has impacted your life and have you told them yet?” The Bel Air born wife of former Orioles pitcher John Habyan brings a beautiful message.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

people, life, mom, years, tedx, bonnie, crab cakes, ted talk, work, oriole, talk, sacramento, pitchers, jeopardy, good, told, give, process, speech, friends

SPEAKERS

Bonnie Lorber Habyan, Nestor J. Aparicio

Nestor J. Aparicio  00:01

Welcome home, we are wn S T A and 5070 tastic. Baltimore and Baltimore positive I might not shave until a hockey season’s over. I’m not sure. But if you know I was perusing the web last week, and I see old friends doing amazing things, and when I see this, I feel like I need to reach out to these people and some of them can’t get down here for a Maryland a lottery a cash ticket, or to come down and have a crab cake with me on a call because some of them don’t live here. But this person is from here she is a Bellaire native. When I caught up with her about two years ago, she had released a book called The World According to best a funny unfiltered memoir of life lessons from my nine year old mom and I confided in her that I had just lost my 98 year old mother. Before that. She is the wife of one time Oreos pitcher, which is why I wore my oriels colors. John, Hey, John, a bootstrap automatic card back in at SAPA that you went on to pitch for the New York Yankees. She has been his wife for many, many years after serving as I believe she was Miss Oriole, and she was like a ball girl on the field and running around a different color light at some point back in the 80s. Great, yeah. Bonnie Lorber. haibun is our guest, she is fresh off something that I’ve never done, but people have sort of encouraged me to want to do and no, it’s not be a contestant on Jeopardy. It is be a TED talker. And I saw your TED Talk, Bonnie. And I said, I gotta text her, I gotta get her back on because we were gonna get a crab cake. And then there was a plague. And then there was a mask. And then your mom passed and you were doing a put, like, all this stuff has happened. One day, we’re gonna be in the same room together. Yeah. I was really, really pleased to see your TED talk and see you pursue one of life’s passions and see it through.

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Bonnie Lorber Habyan  01:52

Yeah, you know, it’s been quite a journey. I mean, it since we’ve talked, my mom passed away, which was, was very hard. But she was able to be there very special time, even after I spoke with you, I did a book signing at Barnes and Noble. And she was able to be there that August before she passed. And that was probably the last time she was out. So we have very good memories about that day. And so I’m really glad we were kind of able to experience all of that. But yeah, the last couple of years have been a little crazy. In a good way. I worked for an amazing company in New York, which I love very much. And they’re very good to me. They let me kind of be me, which is wonderful. So since writing this book, I’ve, you know, been able to start a podcast and do some of the things that are by trade. Correct. I am a marketer by trade. Yeah. And so then, you know, I always on my bucket list have always wanted to do a TED talk. And now I know the process is a little arduous. It’s what

Nestor J. Aparicio  02:48

is the process? It’s, please tell me because I became familiar with this maybe 10 years ago. And there may be some people in our audience still know what TED talks are as well. I do. And I like watching them. I don’t know that I’m unlike Wayne’s where I’m not worthy. Like when I met Alice Cooper, I’m not worthy. You know, I guess there comes a point where you get passionate enough that you want to do breakthrough, right? Well,

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  03:10

I will laugh, listen to show, right. Some people really know it. And some people don’t. Because when I told someone I was doing a TEDx talk, they said, I didn’t know FedEx has talks. I’m like TEDx, TEDx. So yeah, there, it’s a very tough process. I mean, you have to audition. And you you send in and you say, Listen, I hope that what I’m bringing aligns with whatever their theme is, because they all have themes. My understanding, there’s about 2000 of them across the entire world. And the the TEDx ones are organized locally. So it’s a highly competitive process, at least from my research shows that probably for every TED Talk, there may be 200 or so applicants, sometimes more, and they select 10. And I think some of its, you know, luck, some of its kind of if you’re going to align with the theme, and a lot of it from what I’ve learned as well, because I actually, you know, hired a coach to go through it, you have to be deliberate and make sure that you are following kind of all of the, the reason why Ted isn’t being and, you know, and what it’s about. And so I think, putting all those elements together and really approaching it, like, I want to do this I want to do this was a good thing. So

Nestor J. Aparicio  04:15

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what is it what, Ed, it’s hard to find what a TEDx talk is, and what drew you to it,

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  04:20

I think the best thing is sharing ideas worth spreading. Right? And to me, it ended up going back to my my lessons with my mother again, which was really crazy. I wanted to do something more in business. And then when I started kind of putting things together, I came up with this, you know, impactful thought, who has impacted your life and have you told them yet? And so that was really the premise of my my speech. And so it was very funny, but you know, I also had people crying at the end. So it was this kind of full circle of Listen, do not wait until they are in a ceramic urn on your bookshelf. You need to do this now. So that’s an idea worth spreading. And I think just in giving that speech here and there, people have come up to me and said, You know, I did tell my my, my mom, or I did tell my bestie from high school, amazing, amazing kind of knowing that something you’ve said or felt, you know, kind of got out there. So I found out in December that I had been selected, and I just did it last week, which was last Saturday,

Nestor J. Aparicio  05:21

you present the actual speech to them to be cleared before you give it or know, you’re given it on the floor.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  05:27

You do I work with someone from from the TEDx group, I worked with him for five, five sessions, there there ever restriction, you know, they have their own kind of rules, but you need to work with someone you need to, you know, kind of make sure that it falls within the realm of hopefully, that they get on YouTube, right? That’s the whole purpose. So

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Nestor J. Aparicio  05:43

long as the tech the TEDx talk that you gave, mine

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  05:45

was 15 minutes. And it is all by memory, you do not get any sort of confidence monitor or teleprompter. You really aren’t reading

Nestor J. Aparicio  05:53

from anything at all. No, you are not. It is a true presentation in the way that I do this radio show. I don’t have notes here. But yeah,

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  06:01

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you know why? And, and I have so much credit, and we have so much like, I admire people that are able to talk on the fly like that, because it’s, you know, it’s it’s kind of a gift. But I gotta tell you, memorizing something, and having to go out in front of a live audience possible

Nestor J. Aparicio  06:17

for me to do that. It would be impossible for me to memorize, even like a poem like I have to I always say like, I’ve had actors on and different like that. I’m like I John check was all that I couldn’t do. I couldn’t remember a script. You know, I know you. You guys know each other. And I know him. And I saw him during the holidays. And he was on a couple weeks ago, got a new TV show coming out, please go watch it. But I want to tell you this because I saw your speech. And it really resonated with me, because I’m 55. And I very recently did something. And it’s not I’m not bragging, I’m just telling I don’t think I’ve talked about this even on the air. But during the AFC Championship Game week here, I disappeared for a couple of days and anybody my audience would know why I would want to disappear for a couple days. And I went out to the West Coast did some stuff I’ve never done. That’s my bet right now, my whole thing now is I’m only really interested in doing things I’ve never done because I’ve done so many things in my life. Right? And I want to do new things. So I’d never been to Lake Tahoe went to Lake Tahoe. But I have someone in Sacramento, who when I was 15 years old, I worked at the newspaper. And he was the editor of the entertainment section. He took a shine to me I was a kid I was 15 years old in the newsroom. And he said Hey, kid, you know a little bit about music. There’s a guy named Steven Tyler from Aerosmith is going to be calling can you? Can you ask him some questions? And I’m like, Yeah, and I did a good job. And he’s like, you like music this picks and bans you want to interview and he or call her to tell me it gets me nervous. Next thing you know, I’m on the phone with Geddy Lee from rush. I’m on the phone with Kevin Crone. And I did that work for eight years. And I have relationships with rock stars. And like all these years later, that man was a guy named Scott Lebar. You can he’s on my Facebook page. He’s been my Facebook friend for 15 years as long as you’ve been Facebooking. And I said a low in this in that. But I’ve never talked to him. I’ve never been in the room with him. And I’ve always kind of wanted to thank him. So he’s lived in Sacramento. He’s the executive editor of the Sacramento Bay, you can look it up. He’s been there for 40 years, when he left the newspaper here. And I drove into Sacramento, I walked into his newsroom. I sat down with a coffee I sat across the table from and I said, thank you. Yeah, what you did for me didn’t mean anything to you don’t even you don’t even know why the hell I’m even here thanking you. Because it was such a why on the wall stupid thing you did 40 years ago, you have no idea how, how that launched my confidence to be able to do anything, that I can do anything.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  08:39

I agree, you know what it is because life is all about connecting. If we really come down to it, it’s about making connections and that sort of connection. Right? Is life affirming. But he also kind of gave back to you. So for you to say thank you. I can’t tell you I’m sure. Maybe he didn’t show you much. But that means a lot. Especially if you know you’ve impacted someone’s life. People don’t tell you maybe you don’t realize the impact you have on someone’s life. That is life affirming. And that is all about what I was speaking about what I’m saying do these things now because it’s the best gift you can give someone it absolutely

Nestor J. Aparicio  09:11

the best gift you can give anybody say thank you for something they did or you can defer an unintended consequence. Right?

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  09:17

Absolutely. Absolutely. I think that’s so important. And I think more than ever in today’s world, and we’re so kind of with self gratification, and we’re just so you know, preoccupied with the way the world is evolving, and so many things are changing. We don’t stop sometimes and say, You know what, I need to just let someone know that they’ve helped me get where I am. Because none of us are self made. I’m not self made, right. We’re all kind of made and nurtured by people who’ve how we’re all born

Nestor J. Aparicio  09:45

helpless. Let’s start with that. Right. Yeah, absolutely. So,

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  09:48

I mean, I just think it’s very powerful and be able to spread that idea a little bit. I mean, after the talk, I had people coming up showing me like really intimate photos of their last moments with their mom. I I just it’s made a connection. And that’s what this process the TEDx journey, I made stronger connections with my family. My daughter came down to see me with the people I met two days. I didn’t know these people, I’m straightening both eyes by them before they’re going out, you know, on stage. And I would say, you know, connecting with the audience. I’m all about connecting. And that’s really

Nestor J. Aparicio  10:20

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cool. Well, Bonnie Lorber a baby and is here she is married to a baseball player, which I found interesting. And I’m wearing my or you want to tell your baseball journey just for folks who don’t know who you are? And what your book and certainly, you know, talk some more about gratitude. And yeah,

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  10:35

well, I met my husband in a very interesting way. Everyone loves the story. My daughter loves the story, too. I was working for the Baltimore Orioles in 1987. I went through this contest called Miss Oriole, we had to go and be interviewed by all of these how

Nestor J. Aparicio  10:49

many Miss oriels Were there ever? Are you the only one or were there a couple more? Like you were a couple.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  10:53

I was the last one. I didn’t know that. And I look back now and I laugh. I mean, you know, I’ve got this poster with a uniform on with you know, dolled up hair with a baseball bat. And it was the 80s

Nestor J. Aparicio  11:03

bonnet baby with great hair and the 80s

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  11:08

just wouldn’t fly today, nor what if I saw my daughter like that. It was like I don’t think so. You know, it’s just times have changed, but probably the best summer of my life. I was 22 walking around, you know, promoting the Orioles on radio stations and whatever. Girl right like, yeah, I was born in Baltimore. But then you know, I ended up dating in Oregon. I’m because I go through the outfield and one of our closer friends can Gerhardt who were very good friends with still today, came over and just said hey, you know, this guy kind of would like to talk to you and like, oh, no, I can’t. Next thing you know, we dated and you know, four years later we got married. So it’s a very, very cool story.

Nestor J. Aparicio  11:49

Even baseball player sent over the other guy to talk to the girl he did. He did he did. Household pitchers do only do so by Tommy John and this and that. I don’t get to talk all pitchers all pitchers hide from me, Barney.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  12:02

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Well, you know, he’s still my husband’s still working. He’s working for the Kansas City Royals in their minor league. area. And so he coaches a team down in Columbia, South Carolina, you know, the pitchers. So we still have our hands in some some sort of baseball. And he certainly does. You know, it’s just part of who he is. It’s part of his DNA. So baseball, I think will always be a big, big part of our lives. You know, in

Nestor J. Aparicio  12:22

a good way. Like Chico’s suela. Baseball, and Betty Betty good to you. Absolutely. The book itself and writing the book. The last time I saw your mom was alive. Your mom worked at the mall, right? She? Yeah, I met your mom.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  12:36

Right? He went to Harvard MA for years. Yes. Bless her heart. Oh,

Nestor J. Aparicio  12:40

what did your mom do? Well,

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Bonnie Lorber Habyan  12:42

she only went to the ninth grade, which is very interesting. But she made me promise at a very young age that I would have a job and a career. So you know, not kind of growing up in that time period in the 40s. Right? They were all kind of focused on Home Economics, I mean, how things have changed from that generation, to my generation, to my daughter’s generation. But she was a great mom just very focused on the home. And I always think kind of a little bit of ahead of her time. But she didn’t work for many years. And then after my dad died, she had to go back to work. And she went back to work at Macy’s in the Hartford mall for about 20 years, 2025 years. In fact, she didn’t stop working until she was around 87. And that was after she fell. She just couldn’t go back. So she loved her job. And you know, even up to the last couple of months, she told me she would want to go back to work. And we think of jobs that you could possibly do just to keep her keep her happy. But she wouldn’t

Nestor J. Aparicio  13:35

be around people clearly, right?

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  13:36

I mean, what’s that

Nestor J. Aparicio  13:37

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you want to be around people she gets old, 80 years old, went to the mall to work at Macy’s. She’s that lady. We’ve all seen that lady at the mall. And we’re like that lady likes people be nice.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  13:47

People loved her. She was very chatty, very, you know what get get outfits together for people. Just a very bubbly outgoing person, like the dance on tables a little bit told me I should do that sometime. you’re seated about six times in her life. So she definitely had a very good party mentality,

Nestor J. Aparicio  14:02

wrote a book about her philosophy, the world according to best. And I guess, bringing that full circle to the TEDx talk. I mean, she clearly not here to see that. But what the thoughts about her in the framework of saying thank you to people.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  14:19

Listen, the last one of the last things my mom said to me, because we had very, you know, intimate conversations about life and death. And I asked her, I said, Ma, are you afraid to die? And she said, No, but I just don’t want you to be lonely. Right? So I mean, it’s that kind of connection that only a mother daughter, mother, child, Father, Son have, and what a beautiful thing to be able to share that and be able to celebrate all of those things fun, sad, bittersweet, you know, it’s life and and, unfortunately, we all have to go through it. But I was able to take that with me through that TEDx talk and dream come true. I never I never never, ever thought That that would occur and it did. So it’s great. Well,

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Nestor J. Aparicio  15:04

I’ll tell you, like, people told me you should apply for Jeopardy or this and I’m like, I get my ass kicked on. I don’t want to do you know, but people like encourage you to do things that maybe are a little outside of your comfort like comfortable. Yes. If Jeopardy called me and I got the audition it would be a thrill Right? Like why wouldn’t go on there?

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  15:21

I wouldn’t look very smart.

Nestor J. Aparicio  15:22

Nobody killed Yeah, but I you know, be at Fun plan you know, I probably better with Wheel of Fortune or something. But, but nonetheless, like putting yourself out there to do this. Give me the soup to nuts on the process. Because I really did wonder I don’t know you. I don’t know you. Well, I love love to have you on I like watch your husband pitch. And I’m an Oreo guy and all that but, and I fell in love with your stories about your mom. And then I found that she had passed. And this TEDx thing happens. And I’m wondering, because people said to me, Oh, come and I’m like, I don’t have anything that like,

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  15:52

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you don’t know. I mean, you don’t know that. There may be something I would say this. You must feel passionate, so passionate about it, that you’re willing to write a speech, go through many iterative versions, and also do it at least 250 times because that is the amount of time I have many times. I did it before I got on that stage. You have to know it. Breathe, breathe. It has to be part of you could do it for me right now. I could Yeah.

Nestor J. Aparicio  16:18

I’m gonna make people go out and watch it is what I’m gonna do. Yeah.

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  16:21

Yeah, definitely. I mean, I can’t I’m gonna have a little bit of a video launch party once it kind of gets out there. And I’m very excited about it’s not

16:29

out yet. You did it, but oh, okay, so I can’t go watch it today. No, it’s

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Bonnie Lorber Habyan  16:34

TEDx has to go through the TEDx the TED process they have to approve it and I pray to God they don’t have any issues with it. But yeah, they have to approve it and then it usually takes about two months so I’m like, you know you get through that process and you so bad one to get out there with it but it’s another thing to think

Nestor J. Aparicio  16:50

if I was ever on Jeopardy, I wouldn’t be able to tell anybody right if I won or lost you’d have to you know your bachelor

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  16:55

right? Yeah, no, our lips

Nestor J. Aparicio  16:57

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are sealed. Okay. I know you did it and I know the topic and you’re gonna let me know when it’s out right?

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  17:04

I will trust me everyone will know when it’s out because it’s something actually went very well. I was very pleased with it. You just don’t know when you get up there what’s going to happen but I feel really good about it. So I’m really excited to share it and I hope if it makes one person think you know what totally worth it. Well, I

Nestor J. Aparicio  17:20

think you know, public speaking is your thing bond. You know, if I’m guessing here, but please let us know. Please stay in touch. Now. I must ask you this. So the whole like Oriole, alum thing and all of that. The teams getting bought by like someone else. We’re a little excited about that around here. You go back for ball game, and you guys come down here for some games sometimes. I

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  17:41

have not been I mean, it’s so funny. I was following a lot last year. And of course I have family there so they’re just huge Oreos fan.

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Nestor J. Aparicio  17:48

Miss Oreo for crying out loud. Don’t disappoint me Come on now who don’t

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  17:52

even know what the heck that is? No, I haven’t been there for some time. My my daughter and John did the first pitch. Gosh, I mean, 15 years ago, it’s been a while. It’s been a while but

Nestor J. Aparicio  18:03

it’s time to get you back here and him back here. And avian Family First pitch and promote the TEDx talk about giving appreciation give me that give me the name of the speech again for because I keep saying telling somebody

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  18:17

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who has impacted your life and have you told them yet.

Nestor J. Aparicio  18:21

All right, who has impacted your life and have you told them yet? That’s a mouthful, but I got that

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  18:26

out. It is mouthful. But you know what it is what it is? That’s it? Have you told them? Well, I tell your wife tonight that in the book on

Nestor J. Aparicio  18:34

having this relationship with your mother you’re always a great guest to come on. You always sort of lift my spiritual I’m gonna shave and look good next time I feel terrible that I you know that I didn’t get fixed up for this thing your other than my I look like a guy from Dundalk going on.

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Bonnie Lorber Habyan  18:48

I gotta share something with you though. You talked about crabcakes I got a shout out to my brother a few weeks ago, he kept telling me I was going to get a surprise. Guess what my surprise was for crab cakes from Maryland. I was so excited. Not your favorite, but it’s my favorite. You know, believe

Nestor J. Aparicio  19:03

me, I’m a Maryland crab cake guy. Yeah. I could ship you some cocoa some cost is something I get credit.

19:10

I know. I

Nestor J. Aparicio  19:11

got them all. So whatever they are, what and if you like them? That’s like you haven’t had all of them. But I have. No I have not. And I will give you a little around the beltway. You can give me a critique. Well, you know, no one worked harder. You’ve done 250 speeches to get your speech right. I did that it impacted your life and have you told them I’ve had 250 crab cakes to impact your life to make sure you get the right crabs scrape that off. Take the crab cakes. We’ll get down here to your ballgame with us all right, and let the world know about the Miss Oriole from Bel Air doing well up there where their marketing gig buddy Haven is our guest Bonnie Lorber Hey, and I’m gonna throw the family name in there as well. The book is The World According to best be ESS best was her mom. A funny unfiltered memoir of life lessons. For my 90 year old mom, a beautiful picture of you in a very cute little ballerina suit on the front with Maria

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  20:06

here with me here the

Nestor J. Aparicio  20:08

bestest wisdom is available on Amazon. It is a click away. And Bonnie is also a click away. She’s gonna have her TEDx talk, I guess may fingers crossed and

Bonnie Lorber Habyan  20:16

eight fingers crossed. I will I will keep you updated and thank you so much. Always a pleasure and I really appreciate it.

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20:22

Well,

Nestor J. Aparicio  20:23

I know why John fell for you. You’re a cool one from Bel Air so you know Miss Oriole forever is you will be Bonnie havia and her book is The World According the best squat find that at an Amazon we’re gonna get to Marilyn crabcakes we’re back out on the road I got my my lottery tickets are friends when donation 866 90 nation are friends at Jiffy Lube multi care as well as our newest sponsor Liberty pure solutions they do they do clean water so the water I drink here is tasty. I’m drinking it out of the orange. Orange goggles. I’m all orange. The sun’s coming up. Luke will be covering the Orioles. I will be covering the Orioles, the Ravens. The NFL owners meetings are later on this month. Luke and I are going to be running around Sarasota, Florida. sunning ourselves later on in the month I am Nestor we are wn St. am 1570, Towson Baltimore. We never stopped talking good stuff. No more Baltimore positive segment than that.

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