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Sex, Christmas, crabs and the Baltimore accent with the legendary John Waters

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Podcast Audio Vault

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We always wanted to have Baltimore’s most famous worldwide export on the show but were afraid to ask. In advance of his “A John Waters Christmas: Let’s Blow It Up!” at Baltimore SoundStage on December 21st, the Pope Of Trash comes home to Nestor to dish on holiday etiquette and why he loves soft shell crabs and still being on stage with an audience.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

baltimore, christmas, crab cake, john, love, soundstage, waters, artist, art, movies, city, tour, shows, friends, parents, years, program, feel, bad, softshell crabs

SPEAKERS

Nestor Aparicio

Nestor Aparicio  00:01

W N S, T, Towson, Baltimore and Baltimore positive we’re gonna be taking the Maryland crabcake tour on the road a dozen times before Christmas is all brought to you by our friends at the Maryland lottery I’ll be giving these ravens scratch offs away, our friends and window nation as well as our newest sponsor, Jiffy Lube, multi care getting to get my oil change, when when I found that this guy was coming on the show, I had to go out on the internet and brag a little bit. It’s been 32 years I’ve had all sorts of political figures, rockstars athletes on the program, but the number one person on my bucket list, obviously has to be someone from Baltimore and he’s Baltimore’s favorite person. We welcome John Waters on to the program in anticipation of another night when he’s going to drag us downtown and make us laugh and make us cry for the holidays. It is He John Waters Christmas. Let’s blow it up. You finally decided to come on my part. Was it? Was it the long hair? What kept you away from each? Oh,

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00:54

no, I don’t know. Did I say no to it before?

Nestor Aparicio  00:58

You have never turned me down? I’ll say that. Well, that’s

01:00

what I’m saying. So you never asked me before maybe? Well,

Nestor Aparicio  01:04

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I don’t know. I am pleased to have you on.

01:06

I’m thrilled to be here. Yeah. But my David Lynch background, right.

Nestor Aparicio  01:10

Well, you know, we all have green screens now. I mean, I used to really live here at the city. So for you coming to Baltimore, you’re doing like,

01:17

I live here. I’m not coming here. I live here. Yeah.

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Nestor Aparicio  01:20

I mean, you’re on a tour, you’re going to other places that the Baltimore shows different for you, right. I mean, usually closing night

01:27

and so that’s good, because I’ve done it in like 20 cities before and like 23 days or something. But yes, it’s the club is great. Soundgarden is great. And no, it’s not called that what soundstage soundstage Yes. And they’re great. And they decorate for me, they have the best dressing room, the best snacks. And it’s, it’s a great audience. And they get every Baltimore joke that maybe they wouldn’t I don’t put in shows outside of Baltimore. So it’s very much a homecoming very much so

Nestor Aparicio  01:55

well, for you to be doing this at this point in your life. And I think this if anyone your age has had the celebrity and the notoriety, you want to be making movies, I guess you’d be making them if you

02:05

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know, I’m trying to get that made too. But I always have to tell a story. So I write books, I do spoken word shows. I do make movies. I mean, I’m constantly Elton John told me a long time ago, if you the day you quit touring, it’s over. And so in a politician, you go out there you meet the fans, I just did eight cities this week, than I did two in Canada. I’m in Edmonton, Canada, they’re all They’re dressed like the characters in my movies. It’s amazing. So I want to see that I want to be in touch with the people that have let me get away with this for 50 years. There have a filthy of people alive, not me.

Nestor Aparicio  02:41

Well, putting a show like this together. What can we expect? Don’t give too much away here because we know your head right now.

02:49

Well, this is the new show salutes the new sexual revolution that’s even managed to startle me. So I think that that’s what I want for Christmas is always to be startled this year. I am. So I think it’s about that about how Christmas no matter what is coming towards you. You can hate it. You can love it. You can participate in it, you can deny it, but it still is there. So I have something for everybody. No matter what you think about Christmas.

Nestor Aparicio  03:14

You know, I grew up in the 70s in Dundalk, right by eastpoint Mall. And I have my own Christmas thing whether it’s Rudolph whether it’s burr lives, but I had the Christmas experience I’m sort of from a weirdly broken home, which, but so so for you What is Christmas for you? What was the

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03:32

traditional Christmas? And so I didn’t you know, the only good thing that crazy thing that ever happened to me that I’ve exploited forever. It’s in one of my movies. My grandmother of a Christmas tree fell over on her when she was decorating and she was pinned. But I was so excited by that. And so I took a whole scene and female trouble word divine knocks the Christmas tree over on her parents because she doesn’t get the shots on heels she wanted. So that became a big thing. They show it at Christmas or so whenever I go around the country. People tell me stories about when the Christmas tree fell over in their house and it happens really a lot. So weird things that happen on Christmas are important. Like if you go home with your partner to your parents for Christmas. Do you have sex when you’re in their house on Christmas Eve? Or do you think that that’s bad manners? Are

Nestor Aparicio  04:18

you getting away with it? Maybe

04:19

Maybe No, I’m just saying it depends. Especially with the new nonbinary you don’t even know what you’re getting. So basically the parents don’t even know who you brought home. So but at the same time I think it is rude to go home to your parents and have sex in their house on Christmas Eve even asleep in different beds or like Fred and Wilma are no no but if you’re in the bedroom, they give you a bed still You shouldn’t be like Kenton and making noises in your parents house. I think that’s that’s the kind of thing I talked about.

Nestor Aparicio  04:47

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What if you can get away with it quietly?

04:51

I guess but maybe not. Who knows how quiet you know if your parents have to like just pretend they don’t hear it is I think on one day it’s manners about who’s ever house You’re in at but it worse was if you had your parents to your house and they started having wild sex in the other room

Nestor Aparicio  05:06

that we would not want. But I mean, you’re you sounds like you’re pushing your morality on me, John Waters. Is that true?

05:11

A cockeyed morality? Definitely. morality. That’s what worries

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Nestor Aparicio  05:15

me. That’s what worries me. So putting the show together and taking on the country, the Baltimore part of you that always there’s something sort of inherently funny about Baltimore, from the accents on right. I mean, and you

05:29

have accents, I always get tired when actors try to talk about them or accent from my movies, because I had to have a burrito, I don’t want to have fake. But I think the Baltimore one thing we’ve all learned is that other people can’t laugh at Baltimore, but we can, but we have to do it first. And we’ve always made fun of ourselves. That’s how we get away with making fun of others in a good way, and not a mean way. So I think Baltimore, yes, it is like when people say I just moved there. I always say why if you didn’t grow up here, if you grew up there, I totally get it. But the other way, I think we should have bumper stickers that now they think, Oh, we’re the murder capital. We’re not, we’re number three. So we should have bumper stickers that said, there’s two worse places. Or a bumper sticker that said the wire it’s still like that. Let’s embrace our because now after COVID, all the fancy cities are like Baltimore, and Baltimore is the same. What do

Nestor Aparicio  06:27

you love about Baltimore? I mean, you say you don’t leave, you’re always hear

06:31

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all the time. If I couldn’t leave, but I’m travelled constantly. But I like Baltimore, because my old friends are here. I don’t trust people that don’t have old friends. And people here have a sense of humor about themselves. I know people here that aren’t in show business. So it’s not something I always have to talk about. How could I write anything if the only people I met were in the same business as I met? I want to hear everybody else’s bad night.

Nestor Aparicio  06:54

Well, it’s also you’re an artist, and you put your art out there. And I know the significance of art in your life and your contribution start, why is art important? Why Why? Why do we

07:05

laugh? I never call but I do art. I hate it. When I meet somebody and I say what do you do? And they say, I’m an artist, I think silently Oh, really, that’ll be I’ll be the judge of that not you. And to be more important, history will be adjusted but So never say you’re an artist. But however you are an artist, I can You can say it to me and I can say thank you, but you should never call yourself an artist. You can say you’re a painter, you’re a photographer, you’re a performance artist, but an artist is someone else’s opinion that you’re that. So and, and you have to have one more person than your mother and the person you’re sleeping with think you’re an artist and then you are one.

Nestor Aparicio  07:42

But you have always been supportive of other artists and art.

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07:47

I collect modern art I am. You know, most of my friends are certainly in showbusiness or writers or have some creative outlet. Absolutely. If I didn’t have a creative outlet, I would have been in prison for a long time ago.

Nestor Aparicio  08:00

You’re doing a Valentine’s thing to in addition to

08:04

which I do talk about love is a tough thing. Everybody’s born with a loved map. You know, Dr. John Money, who is my friend but disgraced Baltimore, six sex colleges wrote a book about that. So I do talk about love math, and I talk about relationships. Yes. And I’m against a human sandwich. So let us is always wilted and gets plucked out. Gets a little warm, doesn’t it? Well, it’s just you always get discarded. Never be in the middle of a sandwich be the bread, but not the lettuce.

Nestor Aparicio  08:36

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Absolutely. John Walters is on tour. He’s somewhere I think he’s in Baltimore right now. He will certainly be in Baltimore soundstage on the 21st. So if you’re not Christmas stout, if you’re not Mariah Carey doubt or eggnog or peppermint or whatever, that you love or hate about the season, certainly the thing we love the most. John, I’ve seen your show down at the Lyric when you’ve come in at Christmas time for that soundstage, a smaller, more intimate sort of environment as well. You get to see everybody’s face.

09:05

Yeah, well, you don’t see anybody till the question and answer for when you come on stage is black. I can’t I can’t you don’t see the people when you’re on stage or the lighting. But then when we do their questions, and they turn the lights on if they Whoa, I can see everybody, you can hear them and you can feel their energy but you don’t really see the audience when you’re on stage.

Nestor Aparicio  09:20

What do most people ask you about that? Aren’t from Baltimore? I mean, a single morning Baltimore to you. If I had pitched mangoes on a shirt, I would have worn it. This is the closest I could

09:29

do. Yeah. What is it on my glasses?

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Nestor Aparicio  09:32

I know they’re just flowers.

09:34

Yes, they do thing that’s on for me. And the funniest thing is I will be in Europe, let’s say somewhere in an airport and somebody will come over to me and say, Oh, we’re from Baltimore to like, I’m gonna say, Oh my God, thank God. I was so terrified. Being in this Paris airport without a Baltimore birth. But it’s funny they mean it really nicely. They like they so happy and proud. They’re from Baltimore. So and I can always hear Which gate is going to Baltimore because they’re louder. That’s true. waiting at the gate or speak in a much louder voice. No one learned their inside voice in their outside voice that lesson was not learned well in Baltimore.

Nestor Aparicio  10:14

It really pisses me off at a concert when they’re singing like ballad, right? People talking in Baltimore,

10:20

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or they have their phones out right in front of me like that makes me crazy. So you don’t like that your shows right? Or you can’t take your phone out because you can take pictures so we have a whole thing you’re not allowed to take pictures or recorded or anything like that.

Nestor Aparicio  10:31

Good. Can you get them to shut up when you’re talking to can you help me Shut up? I

10:35

don’t ever get hacked. I have great audiences now that you see those people come

Nestor Aparicio  10:39

up to you to come up to you in some airport in Switzerland and say hey, you’re John Waters. I’m from Baltimore. There really is a feeling and when I travel places with an Oriole hat or Raven hat there is it we feel like it’s us against the world to some degree and you said people are nice to you we are Charm City John right.

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10:58

I know well, harm city, they changed it there. That’s the thing. Every every campaign they thought of believe they changed that to be evil. You know, Charm City was harmed city, the city that reads the city that bleeds, you know, they came up with a breach reads through Yeah, yeah, there was two of them bleed then breeds. Right.

Nestor Aparicio  11:17

John, for you and next steps and thinking things forward from an artist standpoint. Are you are you always two steps ahead? I mean, when do you conceive, I’m gonna go out on the road like Elton John told me and touch the people and maybe make a little bit of money. But this feels like there’s a lot of effort to go out and do this. This is

11:36

to write it once a year a whole new show and memorize it is definitely a lot of effort. I’ve been doing it for 50 years, though, I used to tour all the colleges on my films. I’m a carny. You know, I’m like 2468 and especially midnight, so we got it all be showing all I give away door prizes. I have contests I go on TV. I’m out there promoting. That’s your art that you walk now most important. I don’t know if it’s my art, but it is something how I make a living.

Nestor Aparicio  12:03

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They told me only have 15 minutes of my whole life with you. So I’m at minute 12 and a half. So I just wanted to do this Maryland crab cake tour. And my original thought was to have you out for crab cake. Now there are some people that are vegan that don’t eat crab cakes. I like

12:17

I like softshell crabs. I don’t like all that hammering those bad outfits after where and like bids and shit I can’t worry about but crab cakes. You just eat them. Yeah.

Nestor Aparicio  12:27

When’s the last time you picked up Maryland crab John Waters

12:31

a long time I don’t like that. It hurts to do it and you just don’t do it? I don’t but I love softshell crabs and I can cook them really well. I love them. I just don’t like any meal that you have to put newspaper down where a bib caught yourself and hit it with a hammer. It’s too much for me. too violent.

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Nestor Aparicio  12:49

I invite John Walters on this program one time and you know the thing everyone in Baltimore loves them you don’t love opening crap. Would you do it for a comedy bit if we brought

13:00

maybe if you just had all the mug the devils mustard and I had to eat fat now I’m just getting the whole damn thing if you read the shell shell no Yeah, I know and I love the soft shell and especially scary when you get them and they’re still moving and shit but to meet me I just the newspaper thing and the bib with cute slogan phone and I have trouble with its if I need an outfit to eat.

Nestor Aparicio  13:24

If I bring you a nice pan fried crab cake on a on a free

13:29

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use a crab cake. I’m talking about hardshell crabs, the EPA and do all that stuff and pick them apart. Now. A crab cake is already picked and cooked right?

Nestor Aparicio  13:39

You’ll leave that? Yes. Okay. Do you have a favorite crab cake or a favorite style? No. You leave them all. Okay. All right. Well, I’m gonna invite you out. And I do hope you come I’m gonna try to find a shirt with the proper John water stuff. Every one of my family loves you. Everyone in the city loves you. And I just hope you know that and you say

13:59

and I feel that Baltimore is incredibly welcoming. And every time I come home, I just got home this morning. So it was it’s great to be back here as soon as I walk out I see something that is crazy and makes me smile in a good way.

Nestor Aparicio  14:11

Let me see a welcome home hon. All right. God God Yeah.

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14:15

But hon you know that not everybody says on African Americans don’t say Han.

Nestor Aparicio  14:21

Always feels Baltimore than Westballz I

14:24

mean, it’s from old school that always wasn’t so tolerant.

Nestor Aparicio  14:28

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Well, I am I’m very very appreciative you took 15 minutes to promote your show. It is a charm waters Christmas blowing what is blowing up mean John, what are we blowing up? Blowing up everything

14:38

that tradition?

Nestor Aparicio  14:41

All right. Well, I like it. I’m gonna come and bring some eggnog spike it and enjoy myself with the folks that have soundstage downtown. Get down to see John Waters on the 21st obviously doing Valentine’s as well contributing to art and if you’re somewhere I don’t know in those Station North you like that looks like John Ward. It probably is you right

14:59

Steve Buscemi

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Nestor Aparicio  15:03

everybody’s got a doppelganger Job Hunters. Big appreciation you thanks for making time on your green screen for us. Thank

15:08

you so much by the great job waters my bucket list.

Nestor Aparicio  15:12

It’s happened. It’s happened here on the program. I’m Nestor we are wn st am 1570, Towson Baltimore. And we never stop talking Baltimore positive light to listen to my wife and did my hair

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